kurozukin:

There are some funny ones, but this Douglas Adams sendup from the comments is my favorite:

“Bella, what would you say if I told you that I was not a teenager from The Forks but in fact a member of a clan of centuries-old vampires?”

Bella ran through a series of emotions, from utter confusion and incredulity to a slight tiredness, all the while trying to put on a facade of utter nonchalance at Edward’s question. To the casual observer, however, this conveyed merely boredom and slight constipation.

“I’m sorry, but did you say what I thought you said?”

It is, of course, true that words mean different things to different people. In one person’s mind, for example, the word “pirate” might suggest a dashing and amiable rogue of olden times who is more at home on the high seas, whereas to another person it might suggest a far less amiable sort to whom “dashing” meant “something he wants to do to your head, preferably against a rock,” and who is more at home with you being left on the high seas, preferably at its bottom. By the same token, Bella’s interpretation of the word “vampire” invoked a vaguely comical long-toothed character who avoided mirrors and ran around seducing women with a strong Romanian accent. This bore about as much resemblance to Edward Cullen as the Tasmanian Devil did to the spawn of Satan himself.

Edward had unruly hair and sparkled.

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    Douglas Adams’ ghost just killed Stephenie Meyer.

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    I also would have read twilight in it’s entirety if it was written by Douglas Adams. RIP.

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50. zao89 reblogged this from differentplanet and added:

    It makes me proud to see io9 links on my dash :P

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